Always in my Heart
by FrozenSnowflake13
Summary: Set after the last episode of the 6th season. Lorelai is still lying in Christopher's bed. A lot of thoughts are crashing through her mind. Did she do the right thing when she came to Chris? What about Luke? A little OneShot about a torn Lorelai.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls.

**Summary: **The story is set after the last episode of the 6th season. Lorelai is still lying in Christopher's bed. A lot of thoughts are crashing through her mind. Did she do the right thing when she came to Chris? What about Luke? A little One-Shot about a torn Lorelai who is not sure if she ever finds "the one".

**A/N:** This is my first story in English. There are probably some little tense mistakes. I hope you don't mind too much. And now...enjoy! Hope you like it.

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**Always in my Heart**

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She immediately felt the emptiness next to her as she woke up. She winced. Not again. But then she heard noises in the apartment, his steps, his voice which was so familiar to her.

"_Gigi, come get your coat."_

"_Not that coat! The pink coat."_

"_Miriam, where's the pink coat?"_

"_She doesn't have a pink coat."_

"_Gigi, come back here!"_

Suddenly the door was opened.

"_Who's that?"_

"_That's your aunt Lorelai."_

"_Is she sick?"_

"_No. Miriam…?"_

"_I'm sorry Mr. Hayden."_

"_I don't like to wear my nightgown to bed when I'm sick either."_

"_I'll explain later, have fun at school. Bye bye hun."_

Lorelai Gilmore still didn't move. Gigi was right, wasn't she? Lorelai was feeling sick. What the hell was she thinking yesterday? Oh yes! She wasn't thinking at all.

She felt Christopher getting into bed again pulling her closer into his arms. Lorelai closed her eyes pretending to be asleep. Her plan seemed to work out perfectly because after a little while she felt his constant breath in her neck.

A sunbeam fell through the heavy curtains, directly on the cuddling couple in the bed. A really cute picture…

Lorelai was biting her lips, her eyes shimmering with tears. Didn't she always want that? A happy relationship with Christopher? The father of her kid? This could be their chance now.

She could have had it, when she was the pregnant 16-year-old girl. But she was stubborn and didn't want to do what her parents wanted her to do. But what hurt even more today was the fact that Christopher really wanted to get married, too. But she didn't want to be selfish and force him into a life he didn't choose willingly.

That's why she sent him away and broke his heart.

She could have had it, if she had accepted his proposal 16 years later. But she was scared, scared that he could leave again, scared that he could not only hurt her but also Rory.

That's why she sent him away again – and broke his heart again.

And when she finally managed to get over her fears and opened up to Christopher, he got that stupid phone call from that stupid pregnant Sherry which ruined all her future plans. Of course, he went back to her. Of course, he married her. This time it was Christopher who broke Lorelai's heart. But he was willing to take responsibility for his baby like he was already willing to do 21 years ago…if she only had let him.

If she only had let him…that would have saved her from a lot of pain and suffering.

He had always loved her and he had always loved Rory. He would have been a great dad, if she only had let him.

If she only had let him…Would she never have had another man? She didn't need a lot of the experience she had made. She couldn't help it, but no man could stand up to Christopher. They all meant nothing compared to Chris. He was always there – forcing himself back into her thoughts all the time.

Lorelai felt al little stitch in her heart. They all meant nothing…all except for one…Luke.

A tear fell out of one of her crystal-blue eyes, rolled down her cheek and dried on her pillow.

Luke…He was different from all the guys she met before. She loved to be with him. With him she felt safe; she knew that he would always be there for her. She knew that he would always await her with a great cup of steaming coffee after a hard day of work, although he disapproved her coffee addiction. Oh yes, she was so sure about that relationship. She had never been that sure about something in her life before. She didn't plan her proposal but she knew that it was exactly the right thing to do. The time was right. She wanted that man in her life – for ever and ever.

Everything just seemed to be perfect – until April showed up in Luke's life.

She didn't want to blame Luke for having a child or for trying to get to know his little girl and trying to be a father after all these years.

But she blamed him for not telling her for such a long time. She blamed him for keeping her out of everything. And she blamed him for putting her in the second place. A Lorelai Gilmore was definitely not used to be the number two, only.

That's why she decided that life had to go on. She wasn't feeling very good. Luke had waited for her for years. He waited for her to get over Max, over Jason and again and again over Christopher. But she was Lorelai. Not Luke Danes. She couldn't wait for him any longer. She needed to have a perspective in her life which he couldn't give her any more.

She didn't regret the scene she made him yesterday although Luke's reaction was a knockdown.

Maybe she better should have gone to Sookie's after that…she shook her head imperceptibly. No, sometimes you just need a friend to lean on who understands you without saying a word.

A friend…Was Christopher only her friend? Maybe their time has come now?

Lorelai was turning around in the bed and placed herself into a position where she could directly look into Christopher's face. He slept peacefully.

When, if not now? Now…where Emily wasn't trying to force them into marriage any more? Where Rory had grown up? Where there was no Sherry any more? Where the strong Lorelai Gilmore finally had to admit that she couldn't do it all on her own, that even her sometimes needed that famous shoulder to cry on?

Her stomach ached. Just some time ago she would have been delighted for a real opportunity to be with Christopher. But time can change feelings. Christopher wasn't supposed to be that shoulder to cry on any more. But maybe sometime…She didn't know if she would ever be with Luke again. She didn't know if she even wanted to be with him again. She didn't know if she was ever going to get _**a**_ shoulder to cry on. She didn't know what she actually wanted. But she decided not to worry about the future.

Carefully, she got up trying not to wake Christopher. Her heart still hurt too much. She wasn't ready for something – somebody new.

And she didn't know if she wanted Christopher to be that somebody new. Of course, she never got over him and she probably never would. He always brought excitement into her life. Nevertheless, with Chris she would never feel the same security she felt with Luke.

"Lore?" mumbled a sleepy Christopher. "I'm sorry. Go back to sleep." Lorelai apologized silently while getting dressed.

"Stay!" Christopher requested defiant. "I can't…" Lorelai turned around to get away from the bed, to get away from Christopher. She didn't want him to see the tears in her eyes.

"Are we going to meet later? What about going out for dinner?" Christopher asked.

Later that day…that was exactly the question Lorelai was afraid of. But she wouldn't be a coward. She would be honest with him like she had always been. She was scared. She took a deep breath.

"Chris…" Her voice was shaking. Christopher immediately sat up in the bed. He didn't like the tone of her voice. "Lore…"

"Chris…I'm not ready for this. Luke…I mean…it's too fast for me." Holding back her tears was so hard but she didn't want to cry in front of him.

Christopher jumped out of the bed and took her hands. "Lorelai, please… We will get through this. I will give you any time you need. We will work it out, I promise. Please don't go. I can't cope with losing you again." He begged her to stay.

"Don't make it even harder for me. You deserve somebody better than me…somebody who isn't wallowing over her ex-fiancé any more."

"I don't want anybody else. You're the only one I want. I've always wanted you. You know that. I love you, Lore."

"It's just not the right time, Chris." Lorelai turned around broken-hearted, left the bedroom and went straight to the door of flat.

"Lore! Wait!" Christopher shouted as he ran after his Gilmore Girl catching her right before she could open the door. "We will always have different things going on in our lives which will not be perfect. But I knot that you are having feelings for me, you can't deny that. When do you think it'll come? The right time? The perfect moment? Will it ever come? Sometimes you just have to take the upcoming chances because if you don't they will just pass by. And you will be left there where you've been before and all you can do is wave at your lost chances and your lost happy future." Christopher lost his temper more and more. She couldn't seriously do that to him.

"I can't." Lorelai looked down trying to avoid the look into Christopher's eyes. It hurt too much. "Chris, you know you mean the world to me. I will always carry your picture in my heart. It's burned in there and there's nothing I can do about it. _**You**_ will always be in my heart." She sobbed. "But I cannot be with you… not yet."

And then she left. Lorelai Gilmore just turned around, went to the door and was gone within the next second leaving a distressed and - again- heartbroken Christopher behind her.

Lorelai waited for the elevator. As the heavy metallic doors closed behind her she totally lost her cool. Her whole carefully built-up facade of control broke down instantly. She leaned against the wall of the elevator…trembling. She let all her emotions go. Tears streamed down her face as she sank down to the floor and buried her head in her hands.

She knew Christopher was right. The right time would probably never come. Some things are just not meant to be…

-----The End-----


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